I should preface this with the fact that I’m old now, and I need to stop staying up way past my bed time every night, but I can’t help it. Maybe it’s something about wandering around, barefoot on the linoleum in men’s pajama pants that get’s the creative juices flowing. This is the time of night where you’ll eat six things that don’t go together and really enjoy yourself… like…. a bowl of cereal, fritos with salsa, and some leftover sweet potatoes.
It sounded good at the time.
I don’t know how your mind wanders to these places when you’re sleepy, but I got to thinking about a conversation I had earlier in the day about a hottie in a movie. There’s something so great about those fictional characters. Frozen in time (and airbrushed within an inch of their lives), you can’t see their flaws, their bathroom breaks or broken nails. They’re just blown up eye candy, larger than life, nothing more than the moment we see them captured on the screen. There’s something great about that. Simple.
For instance, when I was four, I was absolutely, positively, CERTAIN that I was going to marry one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Don’t ask me how. I don’t really know how that would work exactly but I was four, ok? Not a rocket scientist. I’m not exactly certain how I got this idea into my four year old head in the first place, but I do know that it may have had something to do with the fact that when you’ve got four to choose from you’ve always got better odds. After all, in the end, only one of them could nail down the ever elusive April O’Neil, and that leaves three for me to choose from. Well, two if she doesn’t choose Donatello… because come on, who freaking likes Donatello?
Really, I think I had a hard time choosing between Raphael and Michelangelo. Looking back, this makes a lot of sense, because even at that point, they represent pretty major facets of my personality. I mean clearly, Raphael is cool but crude. Awesomely sarcastic and slightly agro but only masking a fierce loyalty to the brothers green. Michelangelo is a party dude… and who can resist the allure of that? Leonardo was ok and all, but he was kind of like the Red Ranger. No discernible qualities… he just…. leads… for some reason we have yet to understand. Still… better than Donatello. Donatello is the Peter Chris of the Ninja Turtles.
I can’t exactly say how this fascination faded. I never liked barbies or baby dolls and just sifted my way through Hot Wheels and Play-doh as a child. What I can say is that since then I’ve moved on to bigger and better things. Next up, Zach Morris.
Turtle Power! I mean…